Big Brother 7

BB7 has kicked off with 14 attention seeking freaks, I mean, housemates in the smallest, most inside out house ever.

First in was Bonnie (pronounced Bonneh) who can't speak very clearly, is as thick as two short planks but thinks she is pretty and sexy and was happy to show off her flabby gut in the VT. The crowd booed her in. Next was Pete who was in a band and had Tourette's Syndrome and was completely hyper. Unless he calms down soon he will irritate people enough to ensure an early eviction.

Third was young, posh toff George, who allegedly has Royal blood. Next was Scottish-Asian gay guy Shabaz who appeared to know no social boundaries and proceeded to stroke all his fellow housemates. He was followed by Lea who is the same age as me and has had £35,000 of plastic surgery to make her look ten years older. Her boobs are apparently a 30M. Quite how she stays upright is anyone's guess. Imogen was a former Miss Wales and she was quite pretty and probably quite bland. Mikey was a twat who hates feminists. I don't think he knows the meaning of the word, and (hopefully) was just talking bollocks for the cameras to get in the house. Dawn was a depressive and misanthropist who didn't want to make any friends and didn't believe there are any good people in the world apart from Ghandi, Mother Teresa and Bob Geldof.

Glyn was an 18 year old lifeguard from Wales who thought he was God's gift. Quite frankly if I was given him as a gift, I'd hope God kept the receipt so I can exchange him for someone attractive. Richard was a camp Canadian 'sexual terrorist'. Yawn. Grace was a spoiled, young Sloane who has never wanted for anything in her life. Lisa was a mad Chinese girl from Manchester with a loud voice and bad hearing.

Sezer was an entrepreneur with an ego and he was followed by the utterly charmless Nikki whose life's ambition was to marry a Premiership footballer.

I hate them all. Apart from possibly Dawn as I may be able to relate to her dislike of everybody.